Showing posts with label BEING A MOTHER. Show all posts
Showing posts with label BEING A MOTHER. Show all posts

Thursday, August 13, 2009

A mother's musings!!

It has been really long since i wrote something, i have been deliberating a lot over a few issues these days, and the issue topping the list is the dilemma to continue working or to sound sophisticated should i continue being a working mother!!
Obviously the question emerges from a deep rooted guilt factor, but beyond this there are several other pressing factors! I am very sure all working mothers undergo this stage of life or rather continue to lead their lives with this baggage... now I realize how my mother must have felt when she was working.
Most of us don’t fancy working at the cost of our little one’s childhood, but sometimes working is inevitable, money matters honey!! Nothing comes free in this world and with the given cost of living it is invariable for both the parents to work to provide if not a luxurious life but a comfortable life for their children. It is not just money but there are several other factors making it inevitable for the mother’s to work.
Right from the day one, when one realizes that there is a little life within them... the question to continue to work stares at them. But the hard reality slaps only after the little one has arrived. Living behind a little one in the care of other’s is nothing but a night mare. The caretaker may be a stranger or your own mother but the solace of being there for your little one is beyond comprehension. The language of a baby is best known to its mother and none other.
As children grow they are more demanding and on the threshold though we may brush it aside as a mere tantrum we do realize deep within that they are reasonable. Kids need attention from none other than their mothers. We too understand this but do we do justice to this?
There are good days and bad days. Days when the kid is not sick but it is just not okay.. now that sounds confusing right? That’s exactly what others tell.. but only we mothers understand what that means? There are occasions when the kiddo just refuses to get off your lap and just wants to be comforted. But the clock is ticking and you are getting late to the office!! For others it is easy to advise to put the kid on the floor and move on, but only the mother and the child know the pain of separation.
I used to wonder why my friends at office whined at leaving their little ones at home and now after becoming a mother I feel the pain and see the reasons for all that whining. Rather i whine the most. Now my daughter is a toddler and she very well understands that I am out to office for good 8-9 hours in the day. The resultant of my absence is severe separation anxiety that my daughter is suffering from currently. The moment I go home our reunion is dramatic with hugs and kisses and I turn into a kangaroo as I need to carry her all the time for the next 6-7 hours till she goes to bed. She even refuses to stand on her own. She gets violent towards all others at home. She does not fancy other's affection anymore. Her behaviour may sound comical but her behavior is justified. Others find it funny but I know the truth, so do all mothers. I used to do the same to my mother. Wondered how she managed with me?
The urge to give the best to your kids needs to be satisfied in the next 6-7 hours. At the same time are house hold chores staring at us. I wondered how my mother multitasked... now I know the secret. The mere pleasure of holding your little one, being with her, looking that serene look on her face gives us all the courage and energy to do things quickly.
Kids of working mothers too turn mature quickly; they understand our shortcomings and are definitely more co-operating than other children. Though I know that I spend quality time with my darling daughter but my love for her is insatiable and my urge to spend more and more time with her grows by leaps and bounds.
Somewhere deep within i must admit that i envy all the stay at home mothers!! cheers to you ladies for being blessed! At the same time Kuddos to all we working mommies too.. for managing the tight rope walk .. with grace of course!!

Friday, September 12, 2008

poem on motherhood

A beautiful poem written by an unknown poet, go ahead .. and enjoy!!

Before I was a mom…
I made and ate hot meals.
I had unstained clothing.
I had quiet conversations on the phone.
Before I was a mom…
I slept as late as I wanted on weekends
And never worried about how late I got into bed.
Before I was a mom…
I cleaned the house each day.
I never tripped over toys or forgot words to lullabies.
Before I was a mom…
I didn’t worry whether or not my plants were poisonous.
I never thought about childhood diseases.
Before I was a mom…
I had never been puked on-Pooped on-Spit on-Chewed on-Peed on-
Or pinched by tiny fingers.
Before I was a mom…
I had complete control of my mind,
My thoughts,
My body.
I slept all night.
Before I was a mom…
I never looked into teary eyes and cried.
I never got gloriously happy over a simple grin.
I never sat up late hours at night watching a baby sleep.
Before I was a mom…
I never held a sleeping baby just because I didn’t want to put it down.
I never felt my heart break into a million pieces when I couldn’t stop the hurt.
I never knew that something so small could affect my life so much.
I never knew that I could love someone so much.
I never knew I would love being a mom.
Before I was a mom…
I didn’t know the feeling of having my heart outside my body.
I didn’t know how special it could feel to feed a hungry baby.
I didn’t know that bond between a mother and her child.
I didn’t know that something so small could make me feel so important.
Before I was a mom…
I had never gotten up in the middle of the night every 10 minutes to make sure all was okay.
I had never known,
The warmth-The joy-The love-The heartache-The wonderment-Or the satisfaction of being a mom.
I didn’t know I was capable of feeling so much before I was a mom.

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

MY ANGEL!



The word 'my angel' connotes- the messenger of god to me!! truly Ayushi has been the angel in my life. From the day i knew she was coming i had this strong feeling that she is a magical and is vested with miraculous power to heal. I am not an atheist, but my belief in God has never been very strong. Something about her presence made me connect more to God. I could feel the presence of God around me.
As i was gearing up for her arrival, troubles started pouring in. I was on and off the hospital for some or the other reason. The journey seemed very tiring, each visit to the doctor was filled with apprehension. The problems were never life threatening, but the entire ordeal was mentally exhausting. All my energy was dried up. But her presence in me was driving me to be cheerful. All i had to do was to call her out and she would in her own sweet way reassure me that things are going to be fine. She was there for me all the time.

My eagerness to see her started to grow by leaps and bounds. As each day passed I was growing impatient to see her. I would often request her to arrive soon, but she paid no heed to my request. She had secretly decided the date of her arrival. She was keen on proving my guesswork about her arrival wrong.

On Thursday night, suddenly my blood pressure shot up and i had bouts of anxiety, my sixth sense told me that she was coming home. But i was not willing to believe it. I presumed that she may take some more days to arrive. I was completely wrong. That night i went into labour, i realised that more than the excitement i was petrified. I was sweating in the winter night!! i was screaming my lungs out and courtesy Internet, the gory pictures of child birth came rushing into my mind!! i was trembling out of fear. I could not believe that this was me.

Suddenly a miracle happened!! i realised that this is the day i was waiting for all along and this is the day for Ayushi's arrival and here i am with so much of fear!! The excruciating pain within me just disappeared. The darkness around seem to get brighter. I saw a misty picture of ayushi emerging. Slowly my vision became clearer. Reality surprised me!! Ayushi was right there! i could not believe it!! My angel was just a few steps away from me. I wanted to hold her, embrace her in my arms... i realised she was all mine, she was a part of me!!
Unknowingly she has made me realise the truth that only God makes us and we mothers are the modes of bringing these angels on earth.....
The wait was over my darling, my angel... had arrived..