Thursday, May 20, 2010

I am sparking!!

It is close to two months since i have joined this amazing community called, trust me this is one of the most amazing websites i have come across.. this is a a great motivator for me. This is an online help community that helps its members live a healthy life with a healthy weight.. the amount of information available is beyond description.

There is abundant help in the form of online friends, communities to suit our interest.. the sucess stories and motivational blogs are just great.. it is the first time in my life that i am still so focused.. i get advise from people whom i may never met in my life.. but these are the kinda of people whom we can related to instantly.. who are compassionate about what i am going thru. my friends on spark are so helpful. i have come across people from all walks of life on spark and the help in terms of  calorie watch, weight log in sheets, amazing receipes and great exercise tips are something that nobody else can help you with..

For me spark is not just another website, it has played such an important role in my life that it is my secret buddy now.. i am glad i came across this website at the right time.. now that is what i call as destiny..

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Dedicated to my Mother

I am mother of a toddler and i must be honest in admitting that i am very very possessive about her.. i am soo damn particular about her and her things this includes small things like her toys to what she eats and what she wears how her hair is made and which clip she wears. So the bottom line is that i won't compromise on how she looks she means the world to me and like all mothers i want her to look her best!

whats wrong ??

Nothing!! absolutely justified right, she is my creation and i am completely justified

So now taking that thought further and turning the tables i am child too for my mother,  I am my mother's musing!!

Even to this day my mother dotes on me and decides what is best for me,  she is my Creator, My Demi God.. love you ma

I truly believe that God made mothers because he could not be there everywhere for us!!
So will my Creator too not want to see her creation to be beautiful and not loaded with adipose??

I am sure she too has a point to make but she will never, coz she thinks that will hurt me

She is so beautiful and when she created us i was beautiful too..

So what happened why did i change the beauty or tarnish it with this flab??

Is it not betrayal to my parents, Yes I want to loose weight for myself and more so for my parents who deserve to see their creation the way they intended it to be..

So whats stopping me??

nothing ....

I am out to loose weight and look good for my creator, my friend, my Godess, my Angel, my Love, my dearest Mother

i will shortly post my mother's foto to let you know how beautiful she is, she has always been in great shape and looks awesome!

Love you mom. this one is for you!!

Battling emotions

I have never been serious about weight loss. After the sixth day i have had the tendency to give up or rather to be honest i resort to cheating... cheating yes, you've heard it right.. i cheat on myself and i cheat on food and exercise... i  have always to be lucky ( as i thought then) to fall ill or catch a  bad cold or something of that sort, but the bottom line remained the same... i never was honest and never put in any efforts.

Probably this is the first time in my life of 30 long years i am being truthful to myself and my inner sense.. i have resolved to do the best for myself.. i have in my journey for the past two months undergone a topsy turvy emotions...

I have learnt to say no and hold back for the first few seconds before the food could disappear.. the reason i am telling this is that food has been a great source of comfort for me.. not that i was a gluton earlier.. but i was a binge eater and my binging has got me this fat..

My depressions would seek solace in rice.. the carbs would give great comfort.. i was reckless. I have successfully over come this trait of mine.. in my journey this far so many factors have played a role... weight loss blogs on net, strange people on net and most importantly SPARK252 has given me great strength to move ahead..

Even when i am on this journey waves of emotions keep slapping across my face.. i get depressed very soon. Days i am unable to make to the Gym i dwell in guilt and then i feel agitated... i feel like a failure. then there are days when i feel on top of the world after a good work out..i feel i am on the right track..

One of the many insecurities that i am facing currently is fear.. last evening i got to know that one of my close acquaintance who is just 36 has been tested positive for sugar.. she was depressed.. she is fat and her hereditary factor has played its role... she is scared ..

Courtesy Modern science life can be carried out smoothly and your sugar problem will not come in way of leading a normal life but still deep within you know that things are not the same ...

My mind suddenly shifted to another world there i was standing in the same position as this lady and was wondering the same as her. i did not stop there or rather my mind did not stop there.. i went a step ahead.. What if i get diabetes, what if i develop hyper tension what if get all the bad cholesterol deposit in all the wrong places of my body...what if i get a heart attack.. These what ifs continued till i saw a silhouette .. I went closer I could barely see any face.. so I went further close and there I could see that the person was seeing the other way and when I turned her face around.. I saw my daughter’s face . this really got the hell out of me..

It came as a rude shock to me and I am still shuddering when I write this.. the thought that these ailments may just kill me and that my daughter would be left alone did not go well with me.. I could not digest and accept the fact that someday owing to my morbidity to lose weight I might invite these aliments and that my death will leave my daughter alone shock me up thoroughly.

I asked myself what wrong has this angel done to deserve a life without her mother? Nothing so who am I to ruin her life and childhood without a mother.. I know how life is without a mother.. even at this age I am a parasite when it comes to my mother.. so why should my daughter be deprived for some stupid fault of her mothers.. what is she to do if her mother refuses to loose her weight and try hard.. what can she do to change things.. the change has to be at my end..

Last evening I have resolved that I am not going to leave any stone unturned in my journey and my quest to find myself and be happy…I have realized that there are far more graver things in life and there is so much to do and see in life in contrast to the little time we get.. life is beautiful all we need to do is spread our arms out to feel the fresh air and fly high.. higher.. God has blessed me with good health and I am going to preserve it for myself and my little daughter ..

My daughter means the world to me and she is definitely the wind beneath my wings in this journey of my life and weight loss…

Honey I love you!!

There is so much on the net on what is love, true love and what for me is a sweet emotion that springs from an unknow source within us. The thought of love makes us smile when nobody is around us. Love takes different forms, it is not mere attraction to the opposite sex, love can be for your mother, daughter, your friend for that matter your pet too...

One of the most intense love which each of us experience is the love our life partner.. we spend so much of our life or rather we spend our days and nights with them that they become an integral part of our lives.. the integration must be harmonious and must be a source of pure bliss and happiness.. the journey of life places odd situations before at us. Most of the times we are unprepared for it. A companion and his/her love makes that situation bearable. it is no joke that a man and woman resolve to spend their entire lives with each other and have babies, it takes more than love, it is tolerance, mutual respect, admiration, trust and faith that bonds two individual.... there is so much to give in life... unconditional love makes life beautiful... Love brings two strangers together and stay bonded for their entire life...

I bumped upon something so beautiful and appropriate on the net about love between two individuals who resolve to be life partners, love between a man and a woman, i am not sure of the source but mere reading it brought tears in my eyes, I am sure it will be the same to anybody who reads these lines...

"Know that Love is a Process, Not a Destination - Love yourself - say what you feel - ask for what you need - reveal what makes you feel loved - go easy on yourself - celebrate the exceptional - praise the ordinary - do the extraordinary ordinary thing - be a person of your word - criticize only in private - do the unexpected - behave yourself in public - shower each other with kisses - speak the love words - say please and thank you - give more gifts - ask if you can help - listen for the meaning beneath the words - walk a mile in your sweethearts shoes - put your love on a billboard - commiserate with one and other - negotiate the mundane - acknowledge the hardships your circumstances create - keep in touch - take intimate time - rekindle the romance - watch your tongue - depart and reunite with loving gestures - fight the good fight - remember the early days of your love - be willing to make generous gesture - accentuate the positive - tie up your emotional loose ends - apologize, apologize, apologize - play with one another - celebrate with ceremonies - reveal your fears - share your dreams - be generous with your body - trust one another - console one another - forgive one another - acknowledge the power of language to create reality - hold each other in the light - bow to the mystery of love

This reading has surely given me a better outlook in life, I realize I love my husband much more that what i thought and there are so many grey areas I have to work on... I know i have hurt my love several times.. sometimes knowingly and sometimes unknowingly but there is always forgiveness in his eyes.. i guess that is what love is all about... There is so much to learn and do in life and so little time .......What say??


So my question is: Have you too realised the blunders committed by you?? Will you still stop yourself from loving and giving yourself?