I am sparking!!

It is close to two months since i have joined this amazing community called http://www.sparkpeople.com/, trust me this is one of the most amazing websites i have come across.. this is a a great motivator for me. This is an online help community that helps its members live a healthy life with a healthy weight.. the amount of information available is beyond description.

There is abundant help in the form of online friends, communities to suit our interest.. the sucess stories and motivational blogs are just great.. it is the first time in my life that i am still so focused.. i get advise from people whom i may never met in my life.. but these are the kinda of people whom we can related to instantly.. who are compassionate about what i am going thru. my friends on spark are so helpful. i have come across people from all walks of life on spark and the help in terms of  calorie watch, weight log in sheets, amazing receipes and great exercise tips are something that nobody else can help you with..

For me spark is not just another website, it has played such an important role in my life that it is my secret buddy now.. i am glad i came across this website at the right time.. now that is what i call as destiny..

Dedicated to my Mother

I am mother of a toddler and i must be honest in admitting that i am very very possessive about her.. i am soo damn particular about her and her things this includes small things like her toys to what she eats and what she wears how her hair is made and which clip she wears. So the bottom line is that i won't compromise on how she looks she means the world to me and like all mothers i want her to look her best!

whats wrong ??

Nothing!! absolutely justified right, she is my creation and i am completely justified

So now taking that thought further and turning the tables i am child too for my mother,  I am my mother's musing!!

Even to this day my mother dotes on me and decides what is best for me,  she is my Creator, My Demi God.. love you ma

I truly believe that God made mothers because he could not be there everywhere for us!!
So will my Creator too not want to see her creation to be beautiful and not loaded with adipose??

I am sure she too has a point to make but she will never, coz she thinks that will hurt me

She is so beautiful and when she created us i was beautiful too..

So what happened why did i change the beauty or tarnish it with this flab??

Is it not betrayal to my parents, Yes I want to loose weight for myself and more so for my parents who deserve to see their creation the way they intended it to be..

So whats stopping me??

nothing ....

I am out to loose weight and look good for my creator, my friend, my Godess, my Angel, my Love, my dearest Mother

i will shortly post my mother's foto to let you know how beautiful she is, she has always been in great shape and looks awesome!

Love you mom. this one is for you!!

Battling emotions

I have never been serious about weight loss. After the sixth day i have had the tendency to give up or rather to be honest i resort to cheating... cheating yes, you've heard it right.. i cheat on myself and i cheat on food and exercise... i  have always to be lucky ( as i thought then) to fall ill or catch a  bad cold or something of that sort, but the bottom line remained the same... i never was honest and never put in any efforts.


Probably this is the first time in my life of 30 long years i am being truthful to myself and my inner sense.. i have resolved to do the best for myself.. i have in my journey for the past two months undergone a topsy turvy emotions...

I have learnt to say no and hold back for the first few seconds before the food could disappear.. the reason i am telling this is that food has been a great source of comfort for me.. not that i was a gluton earlier.. but i was a binge eater and my binging has got me this fat..

My depressions would seek solace in rice.. the carbs would give great comfort.. i was reckless. I have successfully over come this trait of mine.. in my journey this far so many factors have played a role... weight loss blogs on net, strange people on net and most importantly SPARK252 has given me great strength to move ahead..

Even when i am on this journey waves of emotions keep slapping across my face.. i get depressed very soon. Days i am unable to make to the Gym i dwell in guilt and then i feel agitated... i feel like a failure. then there are days when i feel on top of the world after a good work out..i feel i am on the right track..

One of the many insecurities that i am facing currently is fear.. last evening i got to know that one of my close acquaintance who is just 36 has been tested positive for sugar.. she was depressed.. she is fat and her hereditary factor has played its role... she is scared ..

Courtesy Modern science life can be carried out smoothly and your sugar problem will not come in way of leading a normal life but still deep within you know that things are not the same ...

My mind suddenly shifted to another world there i was standing in the same position as this lady and was wondering the same as her. i did not stop there or rather my mind did not stop there.. i went a step ahead.. What if i get diabetes, what if i develop hyper tension what if get all the bad cholesterol deposit in all the wrong places of my body...what if i get a heart attack.. These what ifs continued till i saw a silhouette .. I went closer I could barely see any face.. so I went further close and there I could see that the person was seeing the other way and when I turned her face around.. I saw my daughter’s face . this really got the hell out of me..

It came as a rude shock to me and I am still shuddering when I write this.. the thought that these ailments may just kill me and that my daughter would be left alone did not go well with me.. I could not digest and accept the fact that someday owing to my morbidity to lose weight I might invite these aliments and that my death will leave my daughter alone shock me up thoroughly.

I asked myself what wrong has this angel done to deserve a life without her mother? Nothing so who am I to ruin her life and childhood without a mother.. I know how life is without a mother.. even at this age I am a parasite when it comes to my mother.. so why should my daughter be deprived for some stupid fault of her mothers.. what is she to do if her mother refuses to loose her weight and try hard.. what can she do to change things.. the change has to be at my end..

Last evening I have resolved that I am not going to leave any stone unturned in my journey and my quest to find myself and be happy…I have realized that there are far more graver things in life and there is so much to do and see in life in contrast to the little time we get.. life is beautiful all we need to do is spread our arms out to feel the fresh air and fly high.. higher.. God has blessed me with good health and I am going to preserve it for myself and my little daughter ..

My daughter means the world to me and she is definitely the wind beneath my wings in this journey of my life and weight loss…

Honey I love you!!

There is so much on the net on what is love, true love and what not...love for me is a sweet emotion that springs from an unknow source within us. The thought of love makes us smile when nobody is around us. Love takes different forms, it is not mere attraction to the opposite sex, love can be for your mother, daughter, your friend for that matter your pet too...


One of the most intense love which each of us experience is the love our life partner.. we spend so much of our life or rather we spend our days and nights with them that they become an integral part of our lives.. the integration must be harmonious and must be a source of pure bliss and happiness.. the journey of life places odd situations before at us. Most of the times we are unprepared for it. A companion and his/her love makes that situation bearable. it is no joke that a man and woman resolve to spend their entire lives with each other and have babies, it takes more than love, it is tolerance, mutual respect, admiration, trust and faith that bonds two individual.... there is so much to give in life... unconditional love makes life beautiful... Love brings two strangers together and stay bonded for their entire life...



I bumped upon something so beautiful and appropriate on the net about love between two individuals who resolve to be life partners, love between a man and a woman, i am not sure of the source but mere reading it brought tears in my eyes, I am sure it will be the same to anybody who reads these lines...


"Know that Love is a Process, Not a Destination - Love yourself - say what you feel - ask for what you need - reveal what makes you feel loved - go easy on yourself - celebrate the exceptional - praise the ordinary - do the extraordinary ordinary thing - be a person of your word - criticize only in private - do the unexpected - behave yourself in public - shower each other with kisses - speak the love words - say please and thank you - give more gifts - ask if you can help - listen for the meaning beneath the words - walk a mile in your sweethearts shoes - put your love on a billboard - commiserate with one and other - negotiate the mundane - acknowledge the hardships your circumstances create - keep in touch - take intimate time - rekindle the romance - watch your tongue - depart and reunite with loving gestures - fight the good fight - remember the early days of your love - be willing to make generous gesture - accentuate the positive - tie up your emotional loose ends - apologize, apologize, apologize - play with one another - celebrate with ceremonies - reveal your fears - share your dreams - be generous with your body - trust one another - console one another - forgive one another - acknowledge the power of language to create reality - hold each other in the light - bow to the mystery of love


This reading has surely given me a better outlook in life, I realize I love my husband much more that what i thought and there are so many grey areas I have to work on... I know i have hurt my love several times.. sometimes knowingly and sometimes unknowingly but there is always forgiveness in his eyes.. i guess that is what love is all about... There is so much to learn and do in life and so little time .......What say??




 

So my question is: Have you too realised the blunders committed by you?? Will you still stop yourself from loving and giving yourself?

My butt is hurting!!

Yesterday's work out for the lower body seems to have a lasting effect on me, from the last evening my lower body is in pain.. i am having terrible cramps all over and it is so embarrasing but my butt is hurting me like hell!! I cannot do much about it. except for whining in pain.

I went back to gym this morning, was reluctant initially but then i told my instructor that i could not bear it anymore and was not in a position to do any exercise today.

As solace and remedy he suggested we do onlystretching execises today. It took me about 40 mins to finish them, but trust me all each and every muscle in my body seem to thank me for it.. it feels good.

I was just wondering what would be my plight had i not told Prakash( my instructor) about it The point is for starters like me, if we have a problem we need to share it with the concerned and i am sure that helps!! there is no point in hiding it from others.

SLUMP!!

It is three days since i have been to the gym and i am feeling extremely guilty about it, due some health reasons i could not make it however the bunking has blessed me with good sleep. I slept for good 9 hours and it feels extremely good. whole of last week i was sleep starved, there were times when i would dose off on my desk without my knowledge.
i am not missing gym anymore. this is exactly what i told my husband today and i told him that by the end of April i will try to loose 3 kgs in toto. He gave a weird look and told me that i have gone nuts and i will never loose that kinda weight.. well now that is surely a challenge to me and i will do my best to do it..

BABY STEPS

It is three weeks now and i have lost 2 kgs.. it is not great weight.. i know people have lost more.. but i am happy with the results coz i am being honest to myself .. i am not cheating on food or gyming anymore..

How it all began

Losing weight has been pondering in mind for quite some time now... my daughter's birth was a good great excuse for me to pile on loads of weight close to 16 Kgs..( I was already overweight!!) i never noticed it until one of my colleagues sent a picture of mine which was taken at a training session in office three years back. That foto was a big shock to me … gawd what I have I done to myself.. Btw I was not too lean or ultra slim in that foto.. I have always be the plump sort of a gal.. but now I looked obese..or rather I am obese. No one told me about it.. Including my husband who would restrict himself to dropping polite hints like your tummy or in CAPS TUMMY is seen ..or could you wear something else?? My jack head could never get these clues…initially I was in a stage of denial it was comforting not to accept the same.

Recently my mother who is of course is in great shape gave me a wakeup call and told me that I should start doing something immediately to lose weight and took me on a tour to various obvious bulging parts of my anatomy!! It sounds embarrassing but actually with my mom around it was not.. I love her having done that to me.. thank you amma.


The event that set things in motion was my recent visit to the gynac for some health reasons, she asked me stand on the weighing scale and I was embarrassed to death. I was just hoping that the power goes off or the machine breaks… but nothing of that sort of happened and looking at my weight and a quick glance at my face she asked me if I was pregnant that for sure was not the reason. She advised several test including my hormonal levels and thyroid. Two days later I went back with the results and on seeing the results which were all fine she asked me a plain question that without any medical reason how could I afford to load on so much of fat?


Actually she was very sweet to me and she gave me very good and valuable suggestions on how to lose weight, in fact her suggestions motivated me to join the GYM.. it is called the FITNESS FORCE… and I simply love the place and my instructor who is very good and encouraging.


My sister who is seasoned in the art of loosing and gaining weight has been very helpful and is generous with tips on losing weight low cal recipes.


My in laws were supportive of this and my husband stepped in to take care of my daughter in my absence in fact he is so sweet that he drops and picks me up each day… which is not a joke because this happens at 5 AM each day including a Sunday..


This is a narration of the past as I am planning to write about it each day or at least when there are significant changes in the scale.


This journey is also like a New Year resolution to me as the gynac incident happened on UGADI. All the best to me!!

JOURNEY OF WEIGHT LOSS